Dreams

I am starting to have anxiety dreams about leaving. Last night I was trying to sneak Tillie out of the hospital, but in the end I had to leave her behind and as I was in the queue to get out I could see her stood there in her head scarf shaking her hands. I guess its normal to feel a little worried about any big change in life, but of all the hard things I have done while I have been here I don't think I ever expected leaving to the hardest.
I still can't answer the question that keeps going round in my head. How can I love them and leave them here. But one thing is certain, I know I will leave and I know they will stay and some how the inconsistancies will right themselves. My life will go and and so will theirs, I'm just not sure how...